This is probably the most difficult question for people to answer when they meet with me. The answer usually quickly degrades into wanting people in their lives to change and do something differently.

But those things are not up for grabs here. Directing the lives of others is beyond your authority. This is not about other people. This is about you. What do YOU want for yourself?

Do you want more time to yourself in order to feel calmer, more peaceful, and less stressed? If that’s the case, what are you willing to say “no” to in order to get it? Are you more concerned about what others will think if you decline an invitation?

Do you want a richer social life? If so, are you willing to venture out into unfamiliar situations to meet new people? Are you willing to risk showing up honestly? Or are you more concerned with whether or not “they” will like and accept you?

Do you want more play in your life? Are you willing to carve out time to discover what delights you and what activities promote your playfulness?

Do you want to feel better in your body? Are you willing to pass up the enticing treats for a healthier option and stick with your exercise program for an extra few minutes, or will you go for the easier choices around food?

Do you want help cleaning the kitchen? Are you willing to ask it for in a direct way?

Do you want a better relationship? Putting in the hard work to develop better ways of communicating and representing yourself authentically is not a one-time endeavor. It’s an ongoing process of learning, experimenting, correcting and going for it again.

What do you want that you’re not getting? What is the source of that niggling disquiet that irritates you or makes you anxious? How much attention will you focus on yourself to discover what it is you want and how you’ll go about getting it?

The next time you’re feeling irritated or anxious, stop and take a moment. Sit quietly and ask yourself what you really want or need right now. Keep your attention on yourself and this question. See what emerges for you.

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