One of the first words a child learns is the word “no.” Ask any two-year-old if they want an ice cream cone, and they’ll say “no” even as they reach for it. They know the word; they know it’s a way to express their burgeoning independence. But sometimes they’re not quite clear on its meaning. […]

This is probably the most difficult question for people to answer when they meet with me. The answer usually quickly degrades into wanting people in their lives to change and do something differently. But those things are not up for grabs here. Directing the lives of others is beyond your authority. This is not about […]

Whether I’m getting my hair cut, having dinner with a friend or sitting on the therapist’s seat, I hear stories of emotional and physical abuse. Maybe this is because some people I come across know of my book, Sweet Relief From the Everyday Narcissist, and feel safe talking with me.  Or perhaps it’s because the phenomenon of narcissistic […]

Ever get to that place where you “lose your cool”? The hotter it gets, it seems, the easier it is to lose it. And when you loose your cool, nobody feels good afterwards. Your target doesn’t like that kind of attention, and then there’s the guilt that swamps over you, leaving shame and embarrassment in […]

Years ago I was in a workshop with my professor, Sam Osherson, who offered a four-day workshop on “Restoring the Broken Link between Fathers and Sons.” (That probably wasn’t the exact title, it was a long time ago, but that was the gist). I was intrigued and signed up for it. The next three and […]

If you follow along with me on FB, you know transitions have been a theme the last few weeks. One thing that makes them doable is the punctuation at the end. (I was saddened when I learn that two spaces after a period was no longer proper grammatical style.) Ok, so I’ll change metaphors. The […]

You’ve celebrated—or survived—another Mother’s Day. Whatever the day held, your experience of Mother’s Day was unique. It was yours, and yours alone. But the question I want to ask on this week after Mother’s Day is universal. Now that you’ve had your experience of Mother’s Day, how did you mother yourself? Were you kind and […]

When I think of celebrating Mother’s Day, I think of having my children here at home with me, spending time together as a family. That would be the perfect gift.   Or would it?   On the one hand, being with my kids and doing something special, like going on a bike ride together on […]

Most people, especially those new to practicing self-care, want some sort of validation (“Taking care of yourself is a good thing”) if not permission (“You deserve to take care of yourself”) so they can attend to who they are and what they need.     How about you? Do you have permission: To choose what […]